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Not with a bang, but a Gruyère whimper

Anouk

6.5/10

I usually detest the word ‘meh’. It is the ultimate communicative cop-out; an expression of apathy, of being so disengaged that even explaining one’s indifference is like, so not worth it. So I find myself a bit baffled that right now, for the first time, it’s the perfect thing to say.

On the topic of having breakfast at Anouk: ‘meh’.

There, I said it. I even gave my hair a little swish, as if to push my nonexistent fringe away from my eyes.

Anouk has deserved this term not by being good, not by being bad, but by being so surprisingly unremarkable. In spite of a creative menu (which apparently changes constantly) and plenty of hype, the best thing about my meal by far was the interesting conversation in between bites. Anouk left me with nothing to remember it by, and I left with food still on my plate.

The food is clever, but lacks flair. The coffee is, well, okay. The interior is comfortable, but comes with nothing to recommend it, though the large furry things on the walls (huge sheepskins?) make for a decent talking point. Service is like the furtive mating of panda bears: loving and attentive but slow to get going. Prices are on the steep side, yet punters were out in droves (literally queueing out the door) to cough up for the meals on offer. Even the logo is a bit confused: a font like the one used in those ironic sailor tatts that hipsters get on their chests, but in the loopy cursive form that bogan females like to get on their wrists or lower backs.

Strange times. Here’s some specifics on the food. To its credit, it was excellently presented.

These are the ‘Beignets’ (basically savoury dougnuts) made out of sweet potato, sage and Gruyere (a kind of Swiss cheese). Surprisingly these were quite bland, lacking a strong flavour of herbs, cheese or even sweet potato. The Hollandaise was pretty acidic, and the overall impression was one of eating fried mash covered in lemony mayo. It’s clear a lot of inspiration goes into coming up with these meals which made the pretty mild taste quite surprising. The Mistress was pretty pleased, though.

Baklava french toast. This was a pretty awesome idea indeed, yet it didn’t have anyone crying out for more. Anouk avoided the cardinal sin of french toast, which is having it a bit too wet in the middle; they get kudos for this. Sadly, the toast was on the other end of the spectrum – almost dry bread except for a milimetre of batter on either side. Pistachio walnut crumble is exactly as good as it sounds though.

Our other guests had various egg dishes that had them pretty happy but didn’t quite seem to bring on the ‘wow’ moment – this is what I kept waiting for. It never came, until we came upon this ridiculous dog that we found outside the cafe, pissing (sweating?) blithely in the spring sunshine. Wow.

I’m starting to develop a theory that restaurants can reach a point of hype that even with un-amazing food, the sheer social momentum of word-of-mouth is enough to keep everyone in love with a place regardless. If that’s what’s happening here, it all makes sense.

Otherwise, well… meh.

Anouk on Urbanspoon

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4 responses

  1. Dan

    THAT DOG IS AWESOME.

    November 20, 2011 at 8:08 pm

  2. Dan

    PS. Your desciption of ‘meh’ was perfect. I also hate that word. And I wanted to comment on that font too. It looked like someone hired their 16 year old aspiring art child to create the logo.

    November 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm

  3. haha that dog is the coolest!!!

    January 20, 2012 at 11:41 am

    • Thanks! And I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog. Are you on Twitter? I loved your phone-stacking article, so I shared it with my followers 🙂

      January 22, 2012 at 2:48 pm

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